On heaviness and not going back...

My blog posts have been a little heavy lately. Mostly because, I feel a little heavy lately. I finished reading Radical this afternoon. It was probably one of the most challenging books I have ever read. Challenging, awesome, terrifying- I can't decide which word fits best. I told some girlfriends this morning after reading the book... "it kind of makes me want to just pick up a People magazine". I mean, you can't read a book like that and not want to do something... well... radical. So, a part of me, can't handle it and just wants to shut down. Go back to the way things were and forget about what Jesus is calling us to and go back to living the me-centered life I have always felt so comfortable with. I kind of liked buying what American Christianity has been selling me. I liked believing that my faith was all about me. But, it is like when you are little and learn that Santa isn't real. You close your eyes that next Christmas Eve and want to believe that you will hear Santa on the roof, but you know you won't. I want to look around at everything I own and think about how happy God must be with me because he has blessed me so much with material possessions. But I can't. You can't go back...