When my son told me that he was disappointed that his friend is moving away, I told him not to be sad, that we would still get to see his buddy all the time.
When a friend told me she felt like she was a bad wife because she hadn't been spending one on one time with her husband, I immediately told her that she was a good wife and to just give herself some grace.
When my husband tells me he is stressed about work, I immediately tell him that everything will be fine and go on and explain why he should feel happy about his job.
Did I say something terrible in those interactions? No. I was trying to encourage! Point out the positives! Be loving! And that is a good thing. But do you see what else I did? I ended the conversation. And unintentionally I told them that they were wrong.
I want my friends and family to come to me and share when they are sad or hurt. I don't want to brush off their feelings. I want to be someone who listens and sympathizes, but doesn't correct their feelings. If God has put something in their life or is convicting them of something I want to come along side and minister to them, not just try to be someone who makes them feel good no matter what.
It is not my job to fix everyone, but to love them.
*These thoughts came from reading Chapter 8 of Hands Free Mama by Rachel Macy Stafford. Which I highly recommend!
So is this like saying"Im sorry you took what I said wrong and it hurt your feelings?" LOL! Wuv you!
ReplyDeleteI do that too. The other day I realized all people really want is for someone to say, "Yes, you're right. That does suck." I realized this as I was telling my own mother my woes. She kept trying to point out positives of the situation and all I really wanted her to do was agree with me that my circumstances were indeed unfortunate. I just wanted validation for my feelings. So a this is to say, you are right. We don't always have to put a positive spin on things for others, but rather let them know its ok to have those feelings.
ReplyDeleteI love this! :) It is SO true and a wonderful reminder!! :) Thanks for sharing! Love you!!
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