Friday, August 30, 2013

The one where I am selfish...

I love having people over to our home. I love entertaining. When Monica on Friends said, "I am ALWAYS the hostess!" I found myself saying, "preach it, Sister!" But, 4 kids, homeschooling, and just general business have left me feeling a little less than hospitable these past few years. It started to feel like having people over was just too stressful. And then, a few weeks ago, we offered up our home for our weekly small group gatherings.

We knew when we bought our home that we wanted to use our home as a place of ministry. We bought a house bigger than we needed for just our family with a good layout for entertaining. We dreamed of all of the ways we could use our home to serve God and were eager to have a space to serve and love people. And I believe we have done that... but lately it has been harder.

Enter the small group situation. I was so excited to be able to share our home with our small group peeps. And, it is why we bought the house in the first place. Yesterday was our first night hosting. I woke up yesterday morning feeling a little bit anxious but was mostly eager. Then I got an e-mail that another family would be joining us and that there would be 29 people that night. I got nervous! And then... I got selfish!

I immediately thought... "What if something gets ruined? What if someone spills something on my new couch? What if our carpet gets messed up? What if one of my kids' toys gets broken?"... I immediately started thinking of why I shouldn't "have" to be the one to host (um... pretty sure I offered!). 

I don't like to claim that God "spoke to me". There was nothing audible. But, as I was praying (well... complaining) to God about the whole situation I believe that he spoke to my heart on some level. I realized that yes, things might get broken, they might get ruined... but you know, they are not MY things. This is not MY house. This house and everything in it belong to God. I am simply the one who is stewarding it and it is to be used for His glory and purposes.

The earth us the Lord's, and everything in it, the world, and all who live in it" -Psalm 24:1

It was exactly the reminder I needed. How true is that of everyTHING in our life? These things really aren't ours, but we hold onto them so tightly sometimes. 

We enjoyed last night. We were blessed being able to use our home. Hospitality is not easy. It does require work to get your home ready, serve food, clean up afterwards, etc. But, we can find joy in knowing that we are serving for the One who is The Servant.

No doubt I will still struggle sometimes. My selfishness will get the best of me. But, hopefully I can look back to Psalm 24:1 and remember. And find peace in the fact that I am simply the steward of all that I have but that in reality it all belongs to God. 

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